Fr Andy's Joke & Wise Word Collection

The early bird may get the worm but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

 

Since God and the andgels are always watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

 

A little boy comes home with a sofa under one arm and a couch un der the other. "Where did you get those from?" says his mum. "Oh" says the lad, "some bloke in the park gave them to me...". His mum says, "What have I told you about accepting suites from strangers?"

 

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

 

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

 

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

 

I am a nutritional overachiever.

 

The real art of conversaation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting time.

 

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

 

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Coz he was a fun guy...

 

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

 

What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley

 

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo? You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

 

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.